In Praise of Fish and Cleethorpes

Saturday's FA Cup First Round Proper match against Grimsby Town was my first ever visit to Lincolnshire. I'm ashamed to say, it was only my third foray north of Birmingham. On that count alone, I looked forward to the journey.

Of course, most everyone else I know thought the idea of going to Grimsby and back in a day was crazy. The conversation where I broached the idea with Mrs Nedved began with her saying, 'You're not actually going to go, are you?' It was not just the distance people were shocked by. When I said I was going to Grimsby several people acted with the sort of disbelief you might get from someone if you said you were off to Bagdhad for a weekend getaway (they were, of course, all soft Southerners). This sort of reaction only made me more interested, especially as none of the people I spoke to had actually been to Grimsby. Two days before the match I did run into a friend on the train who knew a bit about the area. He had lived in Hull for six months. I asked him what Hull was like.

"Shite," he said. "The only good thing about it is it isn't Grimsby." (I should point out that this friend in particular hails from Yorkshire).

Thankfully, none of this put me off.

The coaches hired to take Bath City supporters on the long journey north arrived at Twerton Park at 7am. There were already over a hundred of us there at this point, rubbing sleep from our eyes and stamping our feet about to kick-start our circulation. I settled into a window seat in Coach 2, pulled out my copy of Four Four Two, and prepared for the five hour journey.

After our rest break, we were treated to a viewing of Ken Loach's Looking for Eric on the coach's video monitor. This was an especially appropriate film to watch - and not just because it is an excellent film about football. Ken Loach is an avid Bath City supporter. He can always be spotted on the terraces at Twerton Park when he is not on location filming. Over the summer he invited one of the film's stars, Eric Cantona (yes, that Eric Cantona) to come to Twerton Park for the day for a fundraiser and press event. I found out later that while we were on the coach watching his film, Ken was in a car driving east from a shoot in Liverpool to attend the match as well. Eric Cantona sent him a text wishing Bath City good luck (yes, that Eric Cantona).

The film finished towards the end of our journey, and as I looked up I realised we were in Lincolnshire. It was much flatter than the Somerset and Wiltshire hills I am used to, but otherwise still recognisable as England. We entered Grimsby at about noon (and straight away saw four signs promoting Young's frozen fish), but we did not stop there because Grimsby Town actually play in the adjoining town of Cleethorpes. The coaches pulled up on a side street behind Blundell Park and I stepped out into Northeastern England for the first time...

...and almost immediately into a big pile of dog poo. I almost stepped in dog poo several times in the first minute, actually. It seemed to be everywhere. I began to wonder if I should have heeded the warnings I had received after all. Thankfully the dog poo did not continue for long and I did not see any more for the rest of the day. I figure we were just unlucky. The area had simply been visited by a pooch on a high fibre diet, and nothing more.

Once we had successfully run that gauntlet I joined a small party on the search for fish and chips. Grimsby Town fans had been extolling the virtues of their fish and chips on the Bath City forum almost from the moment the draw was announced. We had been advised strongly to avoid cod and plump for haddock. 'Cod here is only fit for pet food and Yorkies,' one supporter warned.

No one could remember which shops had been recommended so we all piled into the first one we saw - the 'Mariners Fish Bar.' Once we arrived more Bath City fans followed, and before long a big queue formed. The Turkish proprietors dealt with the situation readily, but they set their own rules for us to follow. The two City supporters in front of me in the queue asked for two 'small haddock and chips.' The man behind the till looked taken aback and began to wag his finger at them. 'No small! Match day is only large day!'

Large haddock and chips all around, then. As I waited my turn to collect my food the queue snaked past the doorway to the kitchen. I saw a man setting out a dozen portions of haddock that looked like they had just come out of the ocean that morning. They were not even battered yet. We took our steaming hot portions out onto the pavement to eat them in the watery sunshine.

It was amazing. It was not only the best fish and chips I've ever had, hands down, but it was one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten. The fish was incredibly fresh, but it was more than that. My brain couldn't figure out what the reason was exactly, but it made all the fish and chips I had had previously seem bland and greasy by comparison. Mrs Nedved, who is an accomplished food writer, says the unaccustomed taste must have resulted from the fish being fried in lard (you can read her own blog about food here - and yes we do sit around on evenings comparing blogs). Another City fan, known as the A18, was standing next to me as we rhapsodised about our meal. 'Will this get mentioned in the blog?' he asked. 'Absolutely,' I said.

After fueling up I went for a wander. A Grimsby fan on the City forum had hoped that we would enjoy Cleethorpes' 'dilapidated scruffiness' on our visit. After a few minutes exploring I began to wonder if the people of Lincolnshire have some sort of inferiority complex. Cleethorpes did not look dilapidated or scruffy to me. It certainly has nothing on the dilapidated scruffiness of Westbury or Trowbridge. Everything was reasonably clean and most of the shops appeared to be occupied. I wonder what the Grimsby fans would make of Twerton?

There were only two things I could see in Cleethorpes that a right minded individual might object to. One was a McDonald's, but if you write a town off for having one of those you are setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment in life. The only other thing was that there were signs of industry in the far distance: ports, power stations, etc. It was all clean and tidy, though. It was not covered in broken glass and rusting razor-wire. Is heavy industry an eyesore? It keeps us in employment and warm at night, so I can't see what the problem is. Perhaps I'm just being American.

Blundell Park was not hard to find because, like Twerton Park, the designers have chosen to hide its charms behind the facade of a giant warehouse. I walked into the club shop to buy my ticket. As a non-league fan I found the idea of buying a ticket a bit strange. The idea that I might actually sit in my allocated seat was even stranger. Heck, I wasn't planning to sit down at all. Admission plus a program came to an even £20.

And what an odd program! I was impressed that they had managed to keep the cover price down to £2, but less than impressed by the cover. This was a keepsake I was planning to keep for the rest of my life. It would automatically take pride of place in my program collection. And what is on the cover? A Grimsby Town player who looks like he has just smelled something really unpleasant to his left. The player in question is one Nathan Jarman, and I find it hard to believe that there isn't a stock picture of him somewhere that doesn't make him look like he is trying to pass a watermelon. The reason he is on the cover is that inside the program there is an article about his 'injury woe.'

Grimsby Town are going through a tough time. They have only won one match at home this year. The manager has been sacked without a replacement. The fans are suffering. Let's cheer them up with a feature about a striker with a pre-season metatarsal injury! Way to go!

Inside things are even less cheery. The first two articles begin with a short, perfunctory welcome for Bath City, but mostly consist of reasons to be depressed if you are a Grimsby fan. The chairman explains that the four previous managerial appointments have not worked out, but sheds no light on why they didn't work out. He then basically admits that there isn't a replacement in sight. 'The prime candidate may not have applied for the vacancy. The Board also has in mind one of two targets that have not applied so far.'

The interim manager talks up the match with, 'We are in a no win situation,' and 'I expect Bath will come here today fancying their chances.' I bet he gave a great pre-match talk to the players.

I spent the last hour before the match hanging around the Blundell Park Hotel on Grimsby Road. It was a pub we had been encouraged to visit because it is happy to have visiting supporters. It must have been really happy, though, because there were so many visiting supporters inside I couldn't get near the bar. Across the street was the largely empty Imperial, but we had been warned off going there before we arrived. Although there was a sign above the door promising a 'warm welcome,' there was also a sign saying 'Home Supporters Only.' I found out later that several City supporters had been invited in by the landlord. I guess the 'warm welcome' sign won out.

I stood outside the Blundell Park Hotel for most of an hour. There were lots of City fans coming and going, and as time progressed more and more Grimsby fans. Because both clubs have black and white striped home shirts it was hard to tell who was who until they got close. Despite the reputation of League clubs, we never felt threatened or heard any crude remarks. By half past two, everyone began to drink up. Banners were unfurled. Flags were waived. A group of fans gathered to cross the street and broke into, 'We are the Bath, we are the Bath, we are, we are, we are the Bath!' It was time to go.

Other than the dog poo, I honestly couldn't find anything to complain about in my time at Cleethorps. I know it isn't on the tourist trail, but if this is a typical league ground experience then I think the Bath City fans will enjoy it once we get promoted (some day!).

I would not be surprised if it was not typical, though. I would not be surprised if Grimsby is one of the better places in the league to visit as an away fan (it certainly will be tough to top for fish and chips!). I say this because everyone inside and outside the ground was very helpful and very friendly. If I'm honest, there are a lot of non-league grounds that could learn a few lessons from a visit to Cleethorpes.

I took away two thoughts from my visit. Somehow the people of Northeast Lincolnshire have gotten a reputation they do not deserve. It is a nice place and I would gladly go back. Secondly, somehow the people of Northeast Lincolnshire have gotten a football club they do not deserve, either. Hopefully the mysterious quality a Grimsby manager needs to succeed will be discovered by the board soon. It is the least that such a nice place deserves.